Last Updated on August 31, 2025 at 8:00 pm
When it comes to human relationships, I am fairly naive. It took me several years to understand that many people around us (friends, relatives, co-workers, neighbours, etc) respect us depending on our net worth.
This accounts for how my relative’s behaviour towards me changed over the years. This guy was neither a close nor distant relative, but I had to see him occasionally on functions and other occasions.
When I was doing a PhD at IIT Madras, he smirked at me occasionally for not doing anything useful. I used to get unsolicited advice on how to be career-minded. He was not the only one. People assumed I lacked drive and ambition because I did not advertise what I was passionate about.
The unsolicited advice continued when I was on post-doctoral assignments. He would tell me how to do research despite having no experience. My parent taught me that a family bond can be broken in seconds with words and cannot be repaired. So I silently took it all.
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My face often lacked expression, and he did not know whether I was taking him seriously. So, he doubled down on the advice.
When I was on the verge of changing jobs, he said I should take ‘this’ job instead of ‘that’ because others in the family (especially him) would be proud of him. What I wanted to do was an irrelevant minor detail.
Thankfully, he soon left for the US, and I felt relieved. A few years later, I learnt he was coming back for good. So, this time, I wanted to avoid him fervently.
While the unsolicited advice did not stop this time, there was one change. The reason was ‘freefincal’. He pinned me down one day and wanted an opinion on his portfolio. I asked him to work on one of the SEBI registered fee-only advisors on my curated list.
I thought that would get rid of him (because I do not give advice), but the questions increased, and I did my best to offer generic answers.
Then, when he read or watched some videos about my financial independence, the unsolicited advice stopped. Suddenly, I could sense the increased respect when he spoke, which disgusted me. Just like that, from someone he could talk down to, I became an equal.
I was still the same guy, but that is how people’s opinions and estimations are driven by money. It made me sick that people can change the way they look at you once you realise that you are ‘rich’ or educated or employed in a certain place, etc.
We cannot change the world, but we can learn from this, change for the better and become better parents. These are my life lessons.
- Never give unsolicited advice. In most situations, even solicited advice should be avoided as we are the victims of our unique experiences. Things could be very different for others.
- Treat everyone as human beings with kindness. Nothing more, nothing less.